I don’t know how to be happy

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Some of you will never know how it feels like to be rejected by everyone in your life, even those who are supposed to be the closest to you, and not even be welcome in the place you call home. And thank god for that because it’s the fucking worst.

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I have no friends, or even family in San Diego at this point.

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I can’t live like this anymore.

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It is so fucked up that my stepfather expects my mother to have no relationship with me because I’m not a minor.

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a-river-and-its-thoughts:

"She Holds It Tight" by J.W. River

How sad is it that I’m at my happiest when I’m at work because I don’t have to deal with the shit at home/my family.
Who am I kidding, I haven’t been happy in a long time.
Update: I still hate my fucking life.

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This is completely fucked up and I can’t deal with any of this anymore.

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I fucking hate my life :)))))

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I don’t know why I was in such a rush to get home because I fucking hate it here too.
I’m so damn tired of the loneliness and the misery.

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I am still so fucking fat goddammit I hate my fucking body. Nothing has changed.

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You asked me: if my mother disapproved of my boyfriend,would I still date him?
I said yes, and you chuckled, trying to prove that I can dislike you and my mother and it won’t do anything about you guys being together.
The thing is, I’m not in an emotionally and physically abusing relationship full of anger issues, and you guys are.
You are so stupid.
You are so full of shit.
I cannot bear to be in the same room as you anymore.
I cannot live here any longer.
I can’t just let what happened go. It’s been building up for a long time.
I’m not going back to pretending that everything is okay.

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And now my piece of shit stepdad is trying to get involved. Fuck off I hate you too. This has nothing to do with you. And don’t act like you’re any better.
You can’t blame me for wanting to get out of this either.

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We’ve been arguing over Facebook (you started it even though you should have been the bigger man) and tonight when you uninvited me to your wedding was the last straw.
I finally broke down and called you because this has gotten out of hand. How dare you try and cut me out of your life. Sorry I’m not as good as your new kids or new family. Sorry I’ll never be what they are to you.
Also don’t tell me that I don’t know how to argue when you used the same techniques I did.
Don’t tell me that I know less than I think I do because you have no idea what has happened to me recently, the past year especially. You have no clue how I’ve been independent or what I’ve done, seen, learned.
Stop using what I said to form this opinion of me. You still misunderstand everything and it’s astonishing.
Nothing was accomplished in that 40 minutes but I think I’m still going.
I’m not gonna let you cut me out of your life. I’m not gonna let you cut your real family out of your wedding. I need to go and make appearances and see my relatives and keep my sister company.
After that, I’m not so sure.

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